An(other) Admission

Okay, so maybe I bought more books than I let on in my first confessional. But at the time of writing that post, I had only bought the six from Barnes & Noble. There were just a few more purchases between the writing and the posting.

It started with a recent DEI event at work. Being new to the company, I hadn’t had time to read the book that was being discussed——Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge——but I was almost positive I owned a copy. When I realized I didn’t, I ordered one from Thriftbooks, and then placed an order for the next book we’ll be reading——Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie——at my favorite indie. Maybe I also ordered Diane Guerrero’s In the Country We Love while I was at it; sue me.

Then I went to the dermatologist that Friday after work. And after crying in the office about having to get an “abnormal mole” removed and then trying (and failing) to ask the doctor if I had skin cancer and if I was going to die because of said stupid fucking mole, I was feeling a little fragile. I needed a pick-me-up. And I was already only a few blocks away from the Strand.

So I wandered around and ultimately bought two more books. I felt the looming dread recede. The two dark and stormys I drank afterward (while reading!) might have helped, too.

(And an important update: Six days after the biopsy, I finally got the results that it was just a benign mole!!)

I thought I’d feel like a failure after all these Moratorium Library missteps, but I really don’t. All of these purchases felt good and acceptable and necessary. The challenge with this project is to buckle down and get y reading done, and to avoid temptation. But as I said with the other post, I’m human. I fuck up. I’m learning to be okay with that and to focus more on examining why I fucked up, rather than berating myself for making the choice I did.

That said, I’m going to be very good from here on out. No purchases, barring travel and/or catastrophe. More reading time. Fun blogs. Positive vibes.

Let’s get ourselves back on the wagon and keep rolling.