Self-Care Book
Currently reading:
Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury
1000 Words by Jami Attenberg
Rouge by Mona Awad
Devotions: The Selected Poems of Mary Oliver by Mary Oliver [ongoing]
Books finished this week: 1
★★★☆☆
Where this book came from: My New Year’s Eve B&N run (as discussed here).
Why this book: I was in the horror section, in search of some more Shirley Jackson, and finding and purchasing this was fully a case of judging a book by its cover. It’s just such a weird and gross and eye-catching and cool design!!
Thoughts: I knew this wasn’t going to be a five-star read pretty early on, because, in my opinion, some of the language used in the narration felt too modern for the nineteenth-century setting. But I did mostly enjoy T. Kingfisher’s prose throughout. My issue is with the repetition and slow pacing. This may have worked as a short story, but stretched into a novella (I assume this is a novella?), the “frights”——and honestly even the dread or unease I would expect from a Poe reimagining——were nonexistent. I’m not a Poe scholar, or even a deep reader, so I can’t comment on whether this is a “good” adaptation/reimagining of “The Fall of the House of Usher,” other than to say again that, in short, the vibes were definitely off. Kingfisher has also attempted to set up an interesting fictional section of Europe, and a country with fascinating ideas on gender identity and roles, but cramming all that history into a page or two of an already very short work made it feel slightly confusing and tacked on. I would’ve loved to see Easton’s character and background explored more in a full novel-length version of What Moves the Dead. But since this is the only version we have, I’ll say the book was just . . . fine.
Library updates:
A few weeks ago, as I was endlessly scrolling through useless Instagram reels, the algorithm finally served up something that was a match: a clip of Mary Oliver reading one of her most famous poems, “Wild Geese” (“You only have to let the soft animal of your body / love what it loves.”)
I’ve never really explored Oliver’s work, but I have heard or read those lines before, and I guess I was feeling some kind of way that day——probably about writing and finding my way in the world and leaving a legacy and all kinds of questions too big for a midweek lunch break——because the poem really struck me. I immediately took the internet to figure out where to start with Mary Oliver’s work, saved a few of her books into my Thriftbooks cart, and then decided to pause on buying anything just then.
Maybe a few days or a week later, I found myself at Books Are Magic to pick up a preordered book, and while browsing, I found myself in the poetry section. And there was a copy of Mary Oliver’s Devotions, a collection of poems from across her many books. Reader, I purchased it.
I now keep that copy of Devotions beside my work desk, as a sort of self-care book. I’m trying to be better about taking breaks throughout the day——real breaks, away from the computer, maybe even in another room, sometimes doing the Daily Calm meditation via the Calm app——and stepping away or journaling when I feel myself getting frustrated or overwhelmed. Another thing I’ve found helpful is to read a few of Oliver’s poems. I am in the era of going easy on myself. Now I find myself turning to Devotions when times get hard the way some people might pick up their well-worn copy of the Bible and turn to scripture. I am not much of a poetry reader, but I’m trying, and I find a lot of comfort in reading four or five poems before turning back to my inbox or a tough edit.
On the topic of breaks and being gentle with myself, I had something of a breakthrough in therapy on Friday night. It didn’t feel like a huge point at the time, but I kept thinking it over, and it felt like a bigger deal after a few hours. Basically, I explained to my therapist how I struggle to get out of bed on weekdays, yet I continue to set early alarms for myself that I always end up either snoozing so I can sleep for another hour or two, or shutting off but then continuing to just lay in bed. She suggested I try a schedule where I set specific days to get up early, then let myself sleep in a bit the rest of the week. I’m not really doing much by continuing to set these alarms and then ignore them, my therapist pointed out, except basically set myself up for failure and put myself in a bad mood for the rest of the day. “Just let yourself sleep,” she added at one point.
She’s entirely right. Whatever reasons I have for finding it tough to get up and at ’em during the week, it’s not helping to constantly feel like a failure because I didn’t wake up with enough time to read a book or do homework or take a walk. I can still get up pretty early when I have something exciting to do——a class to attend or a trip to go on——but it never used to matter what day it was or what I had going on. I used to be something of a morning person, or at least someone who only needed an alarm to go off once before hopping out of bed and starting my day. It’s been strange and a little disheartening to see that corrode over the last few months.
But instead of continuing to beat myself up about it, I’m choosing to go forward with kindness. You build habits a little bit at a time, and by being kind and encouraging toward yourself, not by setting impossible goals and berating yourself when you fall short. So, here we go.
Closing thoughts:
Find something that lets you take a real break——a poem, a whole book, a place to nap, a meditation, an ASMR video, a podcast, a show, a TikTok, anything——and let yourself rest.
Total books read from the Moratorium Library: 62
(Total books added to the Library: 123)
I went to Kew & Willow to pick up my preorder copy of Radiant Heat (Have you ordered it yet? Borrowed it from your local library? Read it?? Rated five stars, as you should??) and decided to browse a bit, so here we go. (At least I had a $5 reward coupon, so . . . woo?)
And then I had some time to kill before brunch this (Sunday) morning, and Book Club was RIGHT. THERE. So. Um . . .
(I blame my latest BookTuber find, Cozy Jesss, for the Natural Beauty purchase.)
