A Pleasure to Have in Class
Currently reading:
Heiresses: The Lives of the Million Dollar Babies by Laura Thompson
Books finished this week: 1
★★★☆☆
Where this book came from: I could not tell you where I bought Evelyn Hugo, but I can only imagine it was probably Barnes & Noble.
Why this book: I’m pretty sure I bought it because I read——and fell in love with——Daisy Jones and the Six first.
Thoughts: I don’t know what it is, but Taylor Jenkins Reid and I just really don’t get along. I remember absolutely loving Daisy Jones, and now having finished the show, I want to reread the book and see how it fares. But I was unimpressed with Malibu Rising and also with The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. I love an old-timey Hollywood story, even when it’s made up, and I did find myself drawn into the narrative in the middle of the book. But the ending twists and turns really turned me off of Evelyn——the character and the book.
Library updates:
I have had the entirety of Parade running through my head since seeing about two and a half weeks ago. I saw it again this week, just to make sure it’s really stuck in there. What a phenomenal show.
It’s felt like a whirlwind, the last few weeks——some Broadway, some French class, plenty of work, check-ins with friends. I’m grateful. I know I’ve written here before about keeping busy, and I’m really trying to embrace that life. Be busy. Be spontaneous. Do things that make me happy. Keep moving, but in a way that isn’t harmful and allows for rest and self-care when needed. I’ve been doing a lot of TV-watching and knitting and reading recently, too, and I’ve also been trying to cook more. I feel busy, and I feel good about it.
I also got my hair done yesterday, Saturday, at nine-thirty in the morning. Highlights and a haircut, fresh for spring and summer. And it was while the stylist was cutting my hair, as she gently bowed my head forward and I rushed to do what she needed me to do, that I remembered how deeply pleased I always was to be “a pleasure to have in class.” (This will all come together in a minute, I swear.) Part of me, a part somewhat quieted now by therapy and medication, lives to please. A dental hygienist once told me I was one of her best patients, because I always opened my mouth super-wide and tilted my head the way she needed me to. I was eager to impress the stylist yesterday with that same level of skill——anticipating her needs, helping out, smoothing the way.
I feel like I’ve read Instagram posts about how its a survival mechanism, keeping your head down and making sure you’re maintaining the peace when it feels like other things aren’t super stable. I know, in one way or another, this is all connected to mental illness. But I also know I’ve been chasing that “pleasure to have in class” high since elementary school, and maybe it’s okay to let myself feel accomplished, to let myself be praised, to listen when someone thanks me for my assistance or says I’ve done a good job.
There are many things wrong with me, but I’m working to turn them into positives.
Closing thoughts:
Help someone out. (And, yes, that someone can be yourself.)
