Busy, Busy, Busy
Currently reading:
Devil House by John Darnielle
The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe V. Wade by Ann Fessler
[undisclosed book for undisclosed freelance work]
Books finished this week: 0
Library updates:
The Library is starting to feel neglected. At least, I assume it must be. The Library hasn’t started talking to me . . . yet.
I knew there would be slow weeks when I started the Moratorium Library project, and I knew I was bound to stumble and purchase books along the way. But when I kicked things off with such zeal and managed to devour so many books so quickly, I started to let myself think that maybe I would be able to power through, that maybe I would succeed every single week.
I did not succeed this week, just like I did not succeed last week. But that does not mean I failed.
As I’ve mentioned, I started a new job recently——almost two weeks ago now, somehow——and I shared where all over socials and such. (Here’s a tweet about it. Also feel free to look me up on LinkedIn, if you really want to, since I guess this is technically supposed to be my professional website/portfolio.) Not long before that, I was contacted by a writer about a freelance editorial project, and not long after, I heard back about another freelance gig I applied for a few months back.
I took on both, which was maybe very, very dumb, especially considering the new job. It wasn’t for desperation or money, thankfully. Despite often crippling imposter syndrome in certain arenas of my life, I don’t really feel the need to prove myself in my career anymore. It finally hit me recently, as a friend (hi, Britt!) put it, that I’m the one with experience. I still love having colleagues to learn from and mentors to look up to, but I can have those people in my life and still know what I’m doing and be confident in my work. I took on this freelance work 1) to keep busy, and 2) honestly, for fun.
But “keeping busy” very quickly became “just straight-up being busy.” I do have a tendency to overload my schedule for a few weeks, accomplish all the tasks (thankfully), and then crash into a pit of introversion and exhaustion for a few weeks afterward. It also doesn’t help that the world is, indeed, still on fire. Sometimes literally.
I’m not making excuses, because I don’t owe anyone——not even myself——an excuse. But seeing as the editorial project required reading two manuscripts and the freelance gig revolves around reading and reviewing books, not to mention the manuscript work I’ve already been lucky enough to dive into for my day job, I haven’t had much time to read for fun.
I think things will get better once deadlines pass in the next week or so, and once working East Coast hours stops being exhausting. (Getting up and logging on early is harder than I’d like to admit after two years spent on LA time.) The general existential dread and world-weary exhaustion won’t be going away anytime soon, and the summer heat and humidity is absolutely taking its toll, too. But the Library books will still be here for me when I’m ready for them.
Closing thoughts:
A pause in the plan isn’t failure. It’s just that——a pause. A break. A chance to recalibrate. A deserved rest. Pause, breath, go forward.
