DNF

Currently reading:

TBD

Books finished this week: 2(ish)

[no star rating given]

Where this book came from: Purchased at Book Club back in October. I love that store, and that was a lovely day.
Why this book: I am a nerd.
Thoughts: So, this is the first DNF of the Moratorium Library. (That’s did-not-finish, for the uninitiated.) I’ve skimmed, I’ve flipped through, I’ve skipped ahead, but never have I simply not read enough of the book to feel strange giving it a rating. So, as you’ll see on my Goodreads page, I marked this one as “read” and moved on without giving it a star rating. Though I gladly self-identify as a nerd and found that the author and I had an eerie number of biographical details in common (raised on Long Island, school at Emerson), I simply didn’t connect with this book. The author and I don’t share a lot of fandoms, and unfortunately, this book is largely about her fandoms, including in-depth summaries of TV episodes and movies I’ve never watched before. I’m sure there are some interesting cultural critiques in here, and some universal themes about being a fan and fandom spaces, but I couldn’t get into the book enough to find them. So I’m setting this one aside, perhaps to be donated, given away, or sold, and I hope someone else loves it (and watches as much anime as the author does). I didn’t hate this book. It just wasn’t for me; simple as that.

★★★★★

Where this book came from: The Strand, in a moment of weakness.
Why this book: I honestly think I just saw it around a lot and finally figured, “Hey, I guess I should read this.” I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m 99% sure I didn’t really know what it was about when I bought it.
Thoughts: This was incredibly compelling. I picked it up as a counterpoint to Nerd, and I found myself looking for any excuse to make time to read it. I think, when I bought it, I kind of thought it had something to do with the show of the same name (which it does not, and also I still need to watch Severance). Be warned: It’s a pandemic book. Plenty of those details are eerily prescient for a book that was published five years ago, which gave it an extra ring of authenticity. I also really liked the book production details, which were spot-on (in my experience talking to book production types——hi, Sabrina!). The pandemic/apocalypse parts might be a lot to handle, given the last three years of our collective life, but I highly recommend this.

Library updates:

I felt kind of strange at the start of this week, not going to lie. As you know from last week’s missive, I was away for the weekend, and coming home——especially from a place you enjoyed so much and people you feel lucky to be friends with——can be tough. There’s plenty to look forward to at home, mostly my cat and my bed. But there’s also real-life stress and things that are nowhere near as fun as drinking delicious apple cider from the general store in front of your B&B’s fireplace.

**Listen, would *you* want to leave this behind?**

Anyhow, I came down from that high pretty quickly. But there have been good moments this week, too! A return to nature with a night hike, strides in therapy, a successful work presentation. I feel like I’m coping better with stress and making decisions only to please myself, not because I think they’ll impress some unknown entity. (Is it too early for this to be the Lexapro talking? Even if it’s just a placebo effect, I’ll take it.)

I think the night hike had a lot to do with my positive mental state. (Thanks for trekking with me, Britt!) At my old job, I worked West Coast hours, so I had every morning free to do what I wanted, and what I wanted to do most days was drive somewhere pretty and take a walk. I haven’t prioritized nature that way in a long, long time, but the hike (and a previous conversation with my therapist) has inspired me to do so again. Turns out a long walk makes you tired enough to sleep through the night and wake up feeling actually rested and maybe even happy——who knew?

So, as you’ve seen above, I finished one book this week and “finished” another. Nerd felt like a book I should’ve loved, but as I found myself leaving it, untouched, on my bedside table day after day and night after night, and flipping through pages in search of a reference I understood when I did decide to give it another go, I had to admit that maybe it was time to give up.

The thing about me, though, is that I do not just stop reading books. Even books I loathe, I will finish, if only for the pleasure of rating it one star and then moving on with my life. I need the closure, the sense of accomplishment. If I give up on a book, did I really “read” it? (For the purposes of the Moratorium Library, yes. Hush.) I know I have not finished books before, but I’ve always hated doing it, and I usually tell myself I’ll come back to them. That’s partly why I own so many books.

I didn’t feel right giving Nerd a star rating, since I didn’t finish it (or even really read it, to be honest). Please note that no rating does not equal zero stars. For me, a zero-star book would be something absolutely vile, something so problematic and disgusting that I want absolutely no one to ever suffer through the book in the future. That is not this book, by any means. I just don’t feel that it was right for me, and I don’t think I’m qualified to rate it and suggest that others do or do not read it.

But I’m counting it towards the completed books for the Moratorium Library. I have “completed” it, in one sense——I gave it a shot and decided it wasn’t something I cared to continue reading. And listen, if it sounds like a book you want, you can find me on socials and shoot me a DM. I love rehoming books! At the moment, I have a few just waiting for their second chance on the shelf of shame in my living room.

**These books did not spark joy. Don’t @ me.**

Closing thoughts:

Know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away.

Total books “read” from the Moratorium Library: 27

(Total books added to the Library: 39)