Tired Brain
Currently reading:
The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis
The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkein
Fantasy lit class for the win!
Books finished this week: 0
I’m TRYING.
Library updates:
I’ve been incredibly tired for the last two weeks. Not a physical exhaustion (aside from last Saturday, when I got up at what felt like the crack of dawn to go to Fire Island for the day); I finally realized this week that my brain is just tired. Part of it is turning my brain back to academic mode, a mode in which she has not had to work in nearly a decade. It makes sense that reading long theoretical essays would make me sleepy sometimes.
But the other part of it is because I’m just mentally engaged pretty much from sun up to sun down. I realized this week that I haven’t really had “down time” since the summer session started. I work full time, I do schoolwork, I do domestic tasks like laundry and cleaning, I (try to) have a social life, I (try to) go to bed at a reasonable time and get up early(ish). If I have free time, I start to feel like there’s more I can and should be doing, so I usually end up reading for class or working on assignments. I don’t do many non-work or non-school tasks, and when I do tell myself that I’ll take a break, instead of reading a book for fun (I will return for you, Bret Easton Ellis!!), I watch YouTube for an hour or two and then go to bed. Or sometimes I just take a nap.
This realization has been . . . a bit disheartening. I feel like I was on the right track to figuring out a real work-life balance that worked for me, and letting go of the stress and guilt I used to feel about letting myself rest. Though I’m enjoying online learning (and especially appreciate the flexibility to do the work in my own time), it also brings a bit of disappointment. I get the high of finishing an assignment for a few days, only to realize more work will be due the next week, and the week after, and the week after that. It feels a little like I’m never making a dent, and I have found myself getting a bit anxious about it, in a way that I haven’t felt anxious about deadlines in a little while.
This all sounds very negative, but I don’t mean it to. I want to be honest with you, and with myself. I’m managing. I don’t have any easy answers right now, but I think that recognizing and acknowledging that this is an issue is a good first step toward achieving balance once more. Sometimes life will just be busy; it happens. But it’s always important to take care of yourself, and to rest.
Despite my tired brain, I am really happy I made the choice to go to grad school. I’m enjoying having assigned work, whether it’s straight academia or allows for more creativity. I’m glad to be learning from my professors and my peers. I would like to not be tired. But I’m working on it.
Closing thoughts:
“Overwork” comes in many forms. Take a moment to recognize it, and then do something for yourself to combat it. (Like writing a blog post, for example.)
Total books read from the Moratorium Library: 36
(Total books added to the Library: 48)
This really shouldn’t count, because I specifically noted in the original Library rules that I was going to be allowed to buy books by authors I love, and I’ve read basically every book Megan Abbott has put out over the last decade. But I’m putting it here to keep myself honest.
