Uh Oh, She’s Writing Again
Currently reading:
The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis
A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin
Books finished this week: 0
Library updates:
I’m starting to draft this post on Tuesday, because, boy, did I have a so-shitty-it’s-kind-of-hilarious morning! Tuesdays are the one day a week I go into my office, but I woke up and something told me not to go. But I had plans that required me being in the city, so I decided to push through. The train I take every Tuesday is usually, at minimum, ten minutes late; it was closer to twenty on this particular Tuesday. By the time I got off the train in midtown Manhattan, it had started to downpour–and no, I did not have an umbrella. I skipped getting coffee and breakfast on my way in, due to the rain situation, only to get into the elevator, press the button for my floor, and realize no one had unlocked the elevator–and no, I do not have an elevator key.
Thankfully, the very kind security guard offered to let me go up via the freight elevator (this is my second time having to do this), so I could at least get into my office. But then I realized I was basically going to be stuck there all day, unless someone else came and unlocked the elevator, because if I left for coffee or lunch, I wouldn’t be able to get back upstairs without bothering the security guard again, and no, my anxiety was not going to allow me to do that.
So that was our baseline for the week.
Continuing this post a few days later, I’m glad to say that things took a turn for the better! Aside from the Canadian wildfires that covered New York in smoke that threatened everyone’s health and turned the city orange for an afternoon, of course!!
Anyhow, more people did eventually show up on Tuesday, so I was able to get lunch and my afternoon iced coffee, as well as seeing a friend (hi, Tori!) briefly. I had some good catch-up with friends, made some travel plans, and put a decent dent in some upcoming homework. It’s Friday evening as I write this next portion of the missive, and despite taking a two-hour nap and not showering until approximately 4pm, I’m feeling pretty okay about life.
As of Thursday evening, I’m also writing again. Not just drafting missives and lit class essays—writing. A fictional story. I’m hoping to finish enough pages from the start of a fantasy novel idea I’ve had floating around for a while to submit as my second set of workshop pages and as part of my midterm project for the fantasy lit class I’m also taking this summer. I feel creative this week.
As scary as it is to be writing to deadlines, and on top of a full-time job and all the other coursework I’m working on, whenever I sit down to get something done, I feel energized in a way that I haven’t in a long time. I feel like I’ve developed much healthier work habits since undergrad—probably because school isn’t my entire life anymore. I don’t need to sit down and get an essay done a week before it’s due anymore. I can chip away at it, and submit it the exact day it’s due (something eighteen-year-old me would slap thirty-one-year-old me for doing). I can take my time and review my work. I can let myself work when I feel moved to do so, and I’m far more productive because I’m not forcing it. I have to plan around other activities, so, sure, I sometimes have limited time to get through a task. But I’m also finally able to admit to myself that my best is good enough. Maybe it’s not always A+ work—but I enjoyed working on it, and it’s done. That’s all I need.
(This feels a little disjointed. Sorry about that. My brain is still tired, ha.)
Closing thoughts:
Take a few minutes to create a world today. It can be as detailed as you want it to be; it can be a re-creation of a place you know well or a totally fantastical landscape. But build a world with words and let your brain frolic in it for a while. Let yourself build and create, for the sheer joy of it.
